The Thankless Task

By Lian Brook-Tyler

I’ve been journeying through the five stages of The Thankless Task over the past decade (and in truth, before that for most of my life at stages 1 & 2), if you’re human, I suspect they’re stages that you’re journeying through too.

And you’ll notice that there’s no “How to” move through these stages, that’s because it’s the same work I speak about over and over. It is the work of individuating and actualising to live from soul - our deepest, fullest truth - which requires devotion to healing our wounds, integrating shadow and realising our union with all that is…. And it begins with choosing to begin.

1. Doing the task because of the thanks

Most of us begin by doing things because we need the thanks. And for ‘thanks’, read ‘a return on a transaction (often unspoken)’, which could be validation, appreciation, praise, money, security, or approval.

We do the task without considering why we’re *really* doing it or even whether we have a choice.

We simultaneously believe we’re ‘just being a good person’ or ‘doing what everyone does’ and also that we’re at the mercy of the task - that we have to do it. And we feel betrayed, disappointed, and resentful when what we do isn’t thanked in the way we expected.

2. Not doing the task

This is a leap to the other end of the shadow pole… we think “Sod being everyone’s dogs body, I’ll just say NO!”

Here it feels like we’ve changed… and whilst there’s truth to that, it is change of sorts… from here there’s no true choice, we’re living just as much in unconscious reaction to the tasks that appear to be thrust upon us by others as we were at #1.

We’ve simply become an unconscious NO instead of an unconscious YES.

Side note: this shift to the other end of the shadow pole is something that we often go through on the path to transformation - we might go from codependent to independent, from passive to aggressive, from follower to rebel, and believe we’ve freed ourselves from a lifelong pattern. Though this shift is often a necessary step, true transformation, liberation and healing is when we transcend the shadow pole and move beyond that unconscious reactive pattern altogether.

3. Doing the aligned task and still needing thanks

This is where we’ve moved beyond the shadow pole of doing the task unconsciously and are now doing only what is aligned.

At this stage, we follow our hearts and know we were born to do what we’re doing, and yet… when others don’t thank us for it (and remember, ‘thanks’ is really code for others fulfilling their part of the transaction) we can still feel betrayed, disappointed, and resentful, and look back longingly to our ‘Sod it!’ days).

4. Doing the aligned task and bringing love

This is where we understand that no-one can give us what we’re unwilling or unable to give to ourselves.

We’ve stopped looking to others for approval, security and permission.

We do the task, and if we’re feeling it’s thankless, we listen to and bring love, acceptance and care to the parts of us who are feeling that way.

5. Doing the aligned task because it is it’s own reward

We do the task… We serve, we sacrifice, we undergo excruciating initiations, we pay the highest of Sovereign Prices… because it is our path, because it is being our truth, and because we are living in gratitude for the gift of our life.

And that is all the thanks we need.

My love and blessings as you unfold your own myth.

P.S. Thank you so much to those who do thank and celebrate me, especially Chris, Jonathan, Sara, Elizabeth, Kate and others journeying with Waking The Wild - it seems the less we need the thanks, the more we appreciate it and the interconnected nature of life with our fellow soul travellers.

 
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