Am I a different woman?

By Lian Brook-Tyler

I remember saying a few times in the years leading up to the rebirth of Waking The Wild “I think I’ll feel like an entirely different woman afterwards!”

As I’m sitting here in my typical spot on a Wednesday afternoon - my usual table in my favourite Thai place - I’ve been checking in with the veracity of that prophecy.

I was very, very wrong.

I was wrong that I would be a different woman.

My human, the woman, remains the same… I am still a mother, a wife, a co-founder of a beautiful business (albeit a new one), a shaman-in-training (a forever training, only the teachers change), rose-tinted, autistic, English, a vegan… and all the other things that play a part in making Lian, Lian.

But I was right in a way I didn’t foresee.

Something has changed, and it’s not about the human.

Jonathan and I have just led one of our most powerful circles ever.

This, off the back of a gruelling few days, mentally emotionally and physically - people often marvel at my enormous energy and my capacity to hold so much, and yet, these last few days brought me to my knees.

That is not a metaphor - at one point, I was down on my knees at my altar, praying and crying.

I’ve had broken sleep, hours glued to the screen, no time in the wild, I’ve felt the entire range of emotions, my body aches, and I’ve had moments where I couldn’t see a way forward.

And yet, this morning, Jonathan and I… tired, punch drunk and being pulled in all directions by issues with the new website and things we’d neglected recently in order to focus on the rebirth… came together and agreed to serve a new energy that has been calling us for the past 8 days.

It is an energy that is both familiar and unknown, that is inconceivably huge and therefore scary, not to mention grossly inconvenient given we’ve finally created an external entity to match our inner world, and were about to head into a circle which was created around a different, lesser energetic.

In the words of David Whyte’s Sometimes…

“Requests to stop what
you are doing right now,
and
to stop what you
are becoming
while you do it,
questions
that can make
or unmake
a life…”

It was that energy, a life making and unmaking energy, that made the circle what it was.

I will say more when it’s time.

For now, if you can feel something… something beyond the human, something mythical… trust it is calling for you too.
  

 
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