Becoming

“Becoming” by Michelle Wilson

Written by Michelle Wilson, UNIO student, wise woman & artist

I have lived a life of striving, of giving until I literally had no more to give.  After thirty years of battling with my body, to live a life that I was conditioned to believe was a good life, to work hard and be happy, a combination of my health and the state of the world meant in 2020 I lost the life I had.

All I was left with was my curiosity and deep sense that there was something more out there, another way of being in this world.  Which is when the breadcrumbs lead me to Lian and Jonathan.  There was an instant knowing that this was the start of releasing the years of armour, of rediscovering my true self, but I had no idea of the depth of myself that was hidden under that armour.

The path I have walked has been slow, at times frustrating and seemingly devoid of connection and purpose, but my soul seemed to know the way.  With the door held open by Lian & Jonathan and all the other magical souls that form this community, I discovered kin and started to notice my own gifts. 

The one thing I had yet to discover was the feeling of safety in my own body! Which is one of the pieces of the jigsaw which is currently slotting into place.

After four years I am slowly coming out of my cave of discovery and this was symbolised so vividly in a shamanic healing that I had with Lian only last week.  It was a time of ceremony of welcoming back parts of myself and of welcoming my whole self back into this world.

A couple of days after the healing, I took an offering for the Spirits of the Land, my guides and ancestors, to give thanks for their continued support and guidance.

As I walked along I noticed the abundance of life around me and felt, even though there were a couple of walkers just in front of me, that it was the right time to sit at the field margin and make that offering.

As I sat in amongst the wildness, with the sun popping in and out of the clouds, I noticed sounds that I had never noticed before.  I saw small creatures continuing on their journey and I felt a sense of peace.  Spending time at that lower level, gave me a totally different perspective and appreciation of this magical space.

After a few minutes I left, as I walked the open tracks, hedge lines and even dark wooded paths, I suddenly realised I had no fear!  Normally I am very aware of being alone, in a place away from anyone, vulnerable and I needed to seek support from the land.  This time I felt a real sense of belonging, like I was a protector of this land as much as it protected me, we are reciprocal guardians of life.

With my shoulders back, my head held high and a smile on my face I embraced my walk home, fully immersed in my new sense of safety.

A week after the Shamanic healing and the feeling of safety in my body is one that I have been dancing with all week.  It has shown up in dreams where I have been desperately searching for a place to feel seen and held and in daily life where I have seen myself looking outside, pushing myself physically in order to find my place.

However, now I feel the stirring of acceptance for the life I have.  I am slowly gaining a trust in this collaboration with my body, we may not have what is considered a physically active life, but what we do have is time, time to discover a new way of being in this crazy world and hope, that from that space will come a greater understanding of what it is to live in harmony with all.

I am starting to shine from the inside, my place in this world is just as the stars in the sky, a glowing presence in the dark and I am excited as I continue to expand my awareness.

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