“You’re in shadow…”
By Lian Brook-Tyler
(The shadow of shadow work)
As the popularity of shadow work is growing, its own shadow is arising along with it.
But before I say more about that, I’ll share first how deeply I celebrate and support the increasing popularity of shadow work, especially deep inner child work, and especially when done from sovereignty. Sovereign shadow work is a foundational aspect of the work we do with our students and is something I am delighted to see is catching on and being woven into many different forms of healing and change-work.
And now to the shadow of shadow work…
It can be incredibly empowering to see how shadow work can help us to heal and move beyond our wounded patterns, it’s also empowering to see that when others are behaving in ways that we experience as avoidance, control or criticism it could be due to their own shadow, AND when we focus on and/or pronounce that to them, this could be the shadow of shadow work at play… In other words, not being aware of these three vitally important aspects of shadow work.
1) Shadow work is almost always best done within a relationship in which there is a conscious, expressed agreement to do that work together and the form it will take.
Choosing the person with whom to create that kind of relationship with takes discernment - you need to be able to trust them as a safe and loving pair of hands - after all this is your very soul being handled, and they need to be adept at seeing the unseen… both of which requires that they’re devoted to and some way down the path of their own healing and individuation, and are willing and able to be responsible for their own projections as they arise.
2) Shadow work needs to take into account the wellbeing of the inner child, and not just when the work is specifically inner child work.
Which means within those consciously created agreements to do shadow work, hearing direct statements such as “You’re in shadow.” or similar is rare. I have worked with many experienced therapists and guides on integrating my own shadow over the years, and the number of times that any of them have said something even close to that I can barely count on one hand.
Likewise, it’s not the way either Jonathan or I will tend to speak to our students. Yes, guiding people to see how and where their wounding is showing up is a vital part of the work we do, and yet, it’s rarely going to be serving to someone whose inner child is already scared and is running survival mechanisms in an attempt to keep them safe, for them to be met in a way that will be experienced as harsh and critical, when what’s needed is the complete acceptance and love they’ve been deprived of since they entered this world.
3) When we are experiencing what we perceive as other people’s shadow, especially when we are feeling some kind of way about it, often the first place to look is ourselves.
"Unless we do conscious work on it, the shadow is almost always projected. That is, it is neatly laid on someone or something else so we do not have to take responsibility for it.” Robert A. Johnson
If someone is behaving in a way that is triggering you to feel upset, angry or threatened, your own healing work is being illuminated right there.
This is true even and especially when in a conscious agreed relationship of shadow work.
One of the few times I recall a therapist saying something to me like “You’re writhing in shadow.”, I could feel an underlying intent to shame me - I told him so and that I wasn’t available for it. To his credit, he immediately apologised and owned that he was triggered when he’d said it (sovereignty, right there). So yes, he was correct in what he’s said *and* he was triggered, which is why he said it the way he did.
This brings us to the real purpose of shadow work - it is often seen simply as a form of therapy or process work, a way to deal with trauma or become more authentic and confident (and it absolutely can do those things and more), but really the purpose of it is much deeper than that, it only makes sense from a perspective of knowing we are part of a greater whole, and is something that I would say is the purpose of life… To become whole, united with soul, and know ourselves a drop in the ocean of divine love. Therefore shadow work is really the work of love, to be done as love, in service of love.
If you’re reading this and aware that perhaps you’ve innocently been in the shadow of shadow work, I invite you to be compassionate with your precious self, though shadow work is being simplified and popularised to meet the growing demand for deep healing work, it is an ancient truth and technology that we’re still reclaiming and discovering how to make work for these modern days, Jung certainly played his part but adore him as I do, shadow work wasn’t his invention, only his genius articulation of something that shamans, alchemists, and gurus have understood and worked with for aeons. Working with shadow is incredibly deep, complex, magical, and spiritual, and we’ve never before experienced it in these changing and challenging times - it’s absolutely understandable that we’re going to mess up along the way.
So if you are someone who is here to be their medicine - maybe a guide, coach, or community leader - you will almost certainly be drawn to do shadow work of some kind, and everything you’ve said and done so far is you doing your best to follow the North Star of your soul. Keep going, dear one, your medicine is so needed.
All my love,
Lian
♥️
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